Sex After 40

“Erogenous zones” are parts or areas of human body that provide sexual arousal when touched.  It is commonly noted (and various magazines have had polls on this) that apart from the genitals, the erogenous zones vary tremendously between individuals – even within Americans.  Some people like to have their breasts caressed, some like their neck or thighs being touched, or belly or feet etc.

So not all women want their breasts or nipples caressed. For some, the nipple area is just too sensitive for that. For some it’s nothing special. Yet others like it.

So it is a very individual thing – which shows these ‘erogenous zones’ are NOT in our anatomy as such. Truly, some people even say that their whole body is an erogenous zone for them.

Basically it is the skin that feels the touch, and loving touch on the skin releases oxytocin in us (more on oxytocin later) and makes us feel good. Then it is the mind that controls sexual arousal. The mere touch on skin does not cause sexual arousement without other factors.

So breasts can be an erogenous zone for some, just as neck, ears, belly, thighs, etc. can be – and for some people they are NOT an erogenous zone. It’s an individual thing. Of course it is up to the couple what they do during their intimate moments, which body parts they touch or caress.  We don’t want to tell you what part to touch – hopefully if you love the person, you love ALL his/her body parts.

BUT this does not make breasts a sexual organ like genitals are. It is just skin as any other skin, and not even the most sensitive skin area in the body. How about nipples?

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Nipples are very sensitive since they have lots of nerve endings (some women don’t like theirs touched because of this; it’s so sensitive). And true, touching them can be arousing in a sensual circumstance.  Some women have even gotten an actual climax from nipple stimulation alone – though for the majority this is not so.  But why does it happen to some?

The answer really is very simple: sexuality is in the mind. Whether nipple stimulation is arousing or not depends on the woman’s mindset. If it is a sexual situation, and she believes touching nipples is part of that, then it can be arousing. And, the oxytocin released can further help that feeling.

Nipple stimulation releases a hormone called oxytocin, which is responsible for the let-down reflex in breastfeeding.  In other words, oxytocin causes the milk flow within the breast. Also, labor contractions are caused by large quantities of oxytocin.  In fact, physicians routinely induce labor by injecting a certain form of oxytocin into women (pitocin).

Also, and very importantly, a kind touch anywhere in the body causes oxytocin to be released.  This is true for friendly hugs, massages, hairdresser touching your scalp, shaking hands, stroking someone’s skin, and caressing touch within the intimate moments – if it is kind and friendly, your body releases oxytocin.  Oxytocin makes you feel good, feel loving and friendly towards whomever touched you.  Also, it helps the mother will feel love towards her baby when the baby suckles on the breast.  In other words, it helps bonding.  It is called the love or cuddle hormone, and it exists in all kinds of friendly human relationships.

Oxytocin or kind touch is so important that babies who are not touched a lot, won’t develop properly.  The touch-deprivation that some lonely people experience can lead to depression.  Elderly people are especially in danger of that.  Everyone needs touch, everyone needs oxytocin, even your pet.

So nipple stimulation releases oxytocin, the cuddle hormone.  But only THE MIND will make a woman feel sexually aroused because of that.  It is not the nipple stimulation per se – if that was so, then she’d feel aroused during labor and giving birth, too, since large quantities of oxytocin are circulated in bloodstream during those painful moments.  The same is true of breastfeeding – baby’s suckling of nipple causes oxytocin to be released, but this alone does not usually create sexual arousal.

Most people agree that a human person can be ‘turned on’ just by the power of mind alone.  Mind or human brain is the biggest and most important ’sexual organ’ we have.  So if the woman believes it is sexually stimulating, if her husband is right there and he is emitting the pheromones for her to smell, and the setting is right, she’s thinking about it, then yes, it can be stimulating.  The oxytocin released helps her further to feel loved and loving. [source]

Take control.
It’s a long-known strategy for guys to use reverse psychology to get a girl in the sack. The best way to guarantee a lay? Insist it’s not going to happen.

When women do it, it can be coy or coercing, playful or powerful. And sexperts insist that setting the boundaries of an intercourse-less night can be much hotter than you’d think. Remember foreplay? That thing you used to do before sex? How about an entire night of it? No running for the finish line, just enjoying the journey.

Have fun.
Flirty is fun. And a woman who’s having fun is almost always sexy. While men may be over childhood playground games, bedroom games (and grown-up toys) are a whole other story.

Forget Monopoly (yawn!) and Scrabble (unless you make it Strip Scrabble). Buy a board game from a sex shop and see if you can … finish. With a little creativity, you can turn everyday games into something much steamier.

One of the gals in Patty Brisben’s, founder and CEO of Pure Romance, Inc., office turned the waiting game into an actual game by making a scavenger hunt for her honey, leaving come-hither clues, along with “accessories” for the night’s festivities (massage oil, a candle, etc.).

Build anticipation.
Men are visual creatures, so flashing a little skin may be all it takes to get him hot under the collar. And in our drive-thru, “I want it now” society, a little delayed gratification can lead to one hell of an “I can’t wait to rip your clothes off” session once you two are finally in the same room.

“It’s so easy to leave a very provocative message or take a picture of yourself sitting in some sexy lingerie or whatever you want to put on,” Brisben says. “Just text and say, ‘This is what’s waiting for you.’”

Slutty doesn’t equal sexy.
While you may be capable of porn-worthy performances, guys are quick to point out that sexy doesn’t always mean slutty. Innocence definitely has a certain appeal. So don’t assume that you’ve always got to be comparable to Carmen Electra or Pam Anderson.

After getting great oral sex, Robert Hill rhetorically asked his girl: Where did you learn how to do that? “She whispered in my ear: ‘HBO.’ I thought it was cute, funny and, best of all, added to her innocence. Honestly, no guy wants to know who ‘taught’ a girl,” he says.

Do the unexpected.
There’s a time and place for everything, some say. But when you decide to get down and dirty at conventionally inappropriate times and places, that’s when great sex becomes memorable sex.

Aerosmith’s Steven Tyler sang about love in an elevator. And men like Luke Shore remember getting caught, literally, with his pants down when he and his girlfriend were in the park “playing” after dark.

Be into it.
Most men want to know they’re doing a good job and that you’re getting into it too.

So don’t be afraid to let loose. You don’t have to scream and moan like a banshee, or fake the big O, but do make sure your partner can tell you’re enjoying yourself. Sometimes stroking his ego can be just as arousing as actually stroking him.

do the unexpected and do it well

Find some resources to fire it up – HERE

Experts and many women agree there’s no better sexual position for orgasm than cowgirl or woman-on-top. It’s got all the right ingredients: you’re in control of everything, there’s external and internal stimulation and he can usually last longer when he’s lying on his back. But quality ingredients alone do not make a gourmet (or orgasmic) meal, you’ve got to know what to do with them. That’s why we put together the ultimate guide to this sexual position. Here you’ll find out how to position yourself, ways to move and guidance on reaching that ever-elusive climax. Saddle up and read on!

The basics. Once you’re up there, you have a few options for your legs and arms. One leg move is to squat over him with only your feet on the ground or bed on either side of his hips. This can feel great but can also have your thighs burning in moments. You can also kneel or straddle over him. This move is a little less strenuous and gives you more options. Dr. Sadie Allison, president of  TickleKitty.com, says putting your feet on top of his thighs in this sexual position will give you even more stability. You have more freedom with your arms. They can be placed anywhere from his chest, right down by his sides or around his neck. Arm position will also affect how close you are to him, how your back is and the angle he’s inside you. Try a few options to see what feels best, since every combination will feel slightly different. If you’ve maneuvered yourself to where you don’t need to balance on your arms you can use them to stimulate him—or yourself. Switching it up a bit.In addition to traditional arm and leg movements, you can also try reverse cowgirl, the sexual position where you’re on top facing his feet. For some couples this move can help you hit the g-spot and feel great for him. Dr. Allison recommends arching your back in this sexual position to hit better angles inside you and to give him a stunning visual. Another way to switch up being on top is to change locations, specifically to a chair. Dr. Joy Davidson, sex therapist and creator of The Joy Spot, says this sexual position (where you basically sit on his lap) can make all the difference for women who may not like traditional cowgirl. Because the angle of penetration is different and you’re very close together, it can give you new sensations and offers a lot of clitoral stimulation. “Furniture matters; don’t reject the position until you’ve tried every piece of furniture in your house,” she says. Rolling with it. Okay, so you’ve got your arms, legs and maybe your chair positioned, now what do you do? Start moving—and here’s how: Up and down—This move is great for him, not quite as much for you though since the clitoral stimulation you’re getting is stopping and starting. Rocking your hips—You get maximum stimulation from his penis pushing against you and you rubbing your clitoris against him.

Some equipment to make it more pleasant

Disclaimer: If “dirty words” and images that are not outside normal sexuality, offend You than perhaps you need to un -bunch Your panties before wondering why Your relationship is so dull.

It doesn’t take “porn star” moves to give great oral sex. With a little creativity and variation to the classic technique, oral sex will continue to be exciting and sensual for you and your partner. And by getting him all hot and bothered, imagine what you’ll get in return.

I’m about to show you enticing oral sex techniques for you to take only as far as you please. You don’t have to “deep throat” him. You don’t have to taste his come. And you certainly don’t have to swallow – although you just might like it after all. Just pick and choose what tickles your fancy, and advance from there.

Start with the The Classic Blowjob then try one of these variations as your springboard to wild improvisations. Which of these will become your one Golden Technique to finish him off?
Tip Top.
Slide the tip of your wet tongue all around his head, peehole and V-spot. Work your tongue into every crevice and skin fold till he’s taut and hard.

Tea Bagging.
Let your tongue roam down beyond his shaft and onto his balls. Tap them lightly with your tongue, increasing the intensity. Now gently fill your mouth with one (or both!) of them.

Sweet Nothings.
As softly and lightly as you possibly can, tease the head of his penis with your mouth and tongue. Let him feel mostly your hot moist breath.

Hummer.
Place your puckered lips on him and hum “The Star Spangled Banner.” The vibrations should make him stand and salute!

XXX-treme.
Change the temperature in your mouth and change the sensation around his penis. Fill your mouth with ice water, hot tea, or shaved ice – and plunge him in. Or just blow your cool or hot breath over his eager penis.

Bait & Switch. Lead him to think you’re going to get him off with a handjob, and right before he comes, land your hot mouth on him. For contrast, try a fast hand motion, then a slow, hard suck. Or pull out a vibrator and get shaking!

Just Say O. Keep your head still as he does all the thrusting motion into your mouth. You may want to grip your hand around the base or use a penis sleeve to act as a buffer, so he doesn’t go too deep.

Penis Alarm Clock.Place a strong mint or menthol cough drop in your mouth – along with his penis. The minty or menthol sensation can awaken the nerve endings even more. [source]

Sex After 40 A Rare Event For Single Women

The single women on Desperate Housewives don’t seem to have much of a problem finding sexual partners, but real life single women over the age of 40 may not be having as much luck, say researchers from Vanderbilt University. Their new study, appearing in the Journal of Aging Studies finds that as women get older, they report having fewer sexual partners – often no sexual partners – as a result of cultural beliefs and the biological and social effects of aging. Somewhat predictably, more women than men report having no partners.

The study focused on those aged 40 to 59 who are single, divorced or widowed; a group, the researchers say, that is typically underrepresented in sexual studies. “We’ve all seen the seductive 40- or 50-something divorcee portrayed in the movies who attracts men like honey draws flies. Think of Susan Sarandon’s character in the film Bull Durham. However, this appears to be the exception rather than the rule and maybe that is part of these characters’ allure,” said the leader of the study, Vanderbilt’s Laura Carpenter.

(above) AMBER – Aged 47

The study found that a combination of factors contributed to this enforced celibacy, including:

• Older women being viewed by both men – and the women themselves – as less attractive as they age
• Conservative beliefs about premarital sex-[ There it is, one of the BIGGEST hang ups for the AMERICAN woman - Taught some stupid ideas by people who's panties are bunched to tight.] Life is to short, Live it up Baby !!
  
• The trend of older men/younger women pairings
• Higher male mortality rates

Which the researchers say add up to women having fewer – or no – sexual partners; particularly after the age of 50.

more [source]

Okay, let’s be honest – even sex can get boring, especially if it’s with the same person day after day and in particular, if you don’t vary things a bit. Would you want to eat chocolate mousse for dessert every day for the rest of your life? And yet, people often think of having sex in the missionary position as “normal” and do it that way every time without respite. But it’s not just positions that count. There are many factors which help to create surprise, fun, spontaneity and excitement in sexual relations. Let’s look at some of them.

Attitude

The most important sex organ is the mind. That’s where arousal begins and ideas are generated. So, let your mind get down and dirty! It‘s fun and helps a lot to take love-making out of the ordinary and into the realms of fantasy, ecstasy, and even the bizarre if you wish. Only you know your own mind, so allow it free rein. Try not to monitor or judge your thoughts even if they seem a bit “off” or unusual. After all, you don’t have to live out your fantasies – in fact, a fantasy lived out is a fantasy lost. Some things you may want to try out; others, you might prefer to enjoy in the privacy of your own thoughts. So, just be open to this area of sexual expression and it’ll be a good start.

Communication

Let your partner in on some of these ideas. If they don’t want to try them out, that’s fine, but just talking about them can be very arousing. Also, honesty about what you’re thinking creates true intimacy. Ask your partner to experiment and tell them what you want, for example, if you fancy trying anal sex for the first time or if you want to try out a particular sex aid. If you don’t ask, you won’t know. A lot of people find it hard to talk about sex and especially asking for what they want in bed. We’re not all the same – just as some of us are more verbal and clear, others can be shy and more introverted. That’s where videos and sex games can help a lot in breaking down inhibitions.

Variety

Join Her in the Shower (clip source unknown)

Make a point of trying something new regularly. If you live busy lives and tend to have a “quickie” once a week or so, start setting time aside to just be together. Create a sensual sexual space and don’t rush. Enjoy each other’s bodies, play, experiment, talk openly about your feelings and desires. Don’t wait for your partner to do all the initiating. Swap roles continuously – nothing is more stimulating! Sometimes, be the dominant one, at other times, be more passive, act out fantasies, dress up. Variety can come in the form of positions, the actual things you do in bed and of course, where you do it. Surprise your partner in the shower, phone him or her at work and talk dirty, wake up in the middle of the night, fondle your partner out of sleep and insist on sex right then! Maybe greet your partner at the end of the day dressed up in a PVC outfit or as a French maid then insist on wearing the outfit throughout the evening without any physical contact at all. Anticipation is half the fun! These are just suggestions but if you let your imagination run free, you’ll come up with all kinds of activities and games that will put the spark back into a dull sex life.

Toys

Of course, it’s best if you can keep your relationship exciting continuously rather than wait till it gets deathly dull and then try to gee it up. Often, when people see me for sexual dysfunction problems or difficulties in their marriage, it comes down to boredom, in the case of infidelity, for example. Sex doesn’t have to be mind-blowing all the time but it should be satisfying to both parties and that takes a little bit of effort after the first heady days of lust and constant longing.[source]